Sticks and Stones

As you know, if you've read my past posts, I have been working hard to put myself on a healthier path and part of that was walking and then adding a bit of running. Well a couple weeks ago I increased my running to two sections of my morning walks. Then about a week ago one of my friends suggested we should sign up for The Color Run in Houston on March 24th. I had heard of The Color Run and I have always thought it would be a fun run to do if I were to do a run, so I said yes! I was so excited to have this opportunity plus get to spend time with my friends (which I don't get that often), but I immediately realized that this meant I was going to have to be harder in my workout. Now I'm not expecting to run the whole 5K but I don't want to look pathetic. I've started drinking more water daily and I started running more. I have actually come to enjoy the feeling I experience after finishing knowing I survived, even though I am not one who enjoys running at all!

Some mornings though it really is a struggle. When I get to that point I have to figure out ways to keep myself moving. No matter how I'm feeling I always like to listen to music that pumps me up or encourages me while I'm running. While I'm walking it almost doesn't matter but when I run I need music that fits. I also think encouraging thoughts such as "No matter how fast you go, you're still doing better than everyone still in bed", "God knows you can do it", "The more you do this the easier it will get but you have to start somewhere", or "Show them you can do it". I also have to remind myself that I will live, that a few more steps won't kill me no matter how much I want to quit; mind over matter.

One thing that keeps me moving though is the desire to change. I don't mean change who I am but change the way others perceive me and how I see myself. I've always been a bigger girl and it's effected me my whole life. I don't remember being made fun of but I remember feeling different than the others. As I got older I remember buying clothes and always having to buy the biggest size and even then it was still tight. I couldn't, and still can't, shop for pants at certain stores because they don't sell my size. I can't describe the feeling going shopping when you're bigger leaves behind but it's not a pleasant one. I felt so defeated and worthless all the time. I never liked the way I looked. It took me until my junior and senior years of high school to finally get to a point where I could see myself as more than just my looks. I think I have a wonderful personality but I was afraid to show that to people because of the way I looked. Only my friends knew the real me. It wasn't until I accepted that my physical form didn't determine who I am as a person that I broke out of my shell and became me. I still have problems with my self image but I try not to let it control me.

No matter how much I try, the things people say will still have an effect on me. People say hurtful things all the time. Sometimes they are intended to hurt the other person and other times they are said without thinking but the damage is still done. We are all guilty, at one point or another, of saying something that hurt someone else. I know I've done it especially without meaning it and I try to right my wrong as quickly as possible, but once something is said it can never be taken back. Even though I wasn't make fun of by my peers, I've received harsh words from someplace we should feel safe from that- at home. My dad makes comments all the time about things he doesn't like about people, famous or not, and his own daughter is no exception. All through high school I remember him saying things like, "Your belly's getting a little big" or "You're hanging over your pants" or just straight up "You're getting fat." Even when I was home one time from college I was sitting on the couch and he made a comment (which I can't remember now) as he passed through the room. I glared at the back of his head because it made me mad more than anything but it still hurt to some point. I constantly feel put down by my father on countless things but I've learned how to take those comments and lock them away because my father does not decide who I am and neither should anyone else. I DO!

Same goes for anyone else out there who has to deal with people making fun of them, spreading rumors, or putting them down. You are not defined by the people around you. You are defined by what you make yourself. Only you can choose who you are, no one else. I honestly don't understand how being negative towards someone else and hurting them benefits anyone. If you are so pathetic that you have to make fun of someone else to make you feel better about yourself, that's just what you are- pathetic. You really need to sit at home and look in a mirror because thats where your problems begin. Making fun of others will not last forever and you will soon be out of ways to boost your ego, then where will you be? I'll tell you. Begging for those you made fun of help you out, but I won't blame them if they just look the other way. When you're attacked personally it hurts and no amount of apologizing will ever completely take away the pain.

We are all beautiful because of who we are. Yeah you may not be the most attractive person or have the best personality but by being exactly who we were created to be we are beautiful. If we were all meant to be the same we would have been made that way. The variety and uniqueness in each and every single human being on this planet is what makes us beautiful. Yes, I started my path to being healthier because I want to be skinnier and be seen as beautiful to others, but more so because I want to   see myself as beautiful and show others and myself that I can do what I set out to do and no one will decide my future, not even my own father. That's the only way to be successful when you set out to do anything. You have to do it for yourself because that's the only person who ultimately matters. I don't want to be like everyone else; I want to be me! And that's exactly who I'm going to be!

One Step at a Time

If you read my last post then you saw that one of my top goals for this year is to start on a healthier path and another is to post more frequently on here. Well here I am posting (Yay!) and I wanted to share a major step I made in my path to being healthier. 

Since about October I've been trying to get in the habit of waking up early and going for a morning walk to at least get myself up and moving. That was a struggle until my dad went in the hospital and his doctors told him he couldn't drive until after his foot is completely healed (which it still isn't, but it's close), and I had to get up every morning to drive my mom to work. Now that I actually have a responsibility, I am much less tempted to hit snooze in the morning. 

Actually choosing to get moving in the morning was my first step to being healthy and even though it was only a small choice, I feel empowered by it. Choosing to get moving in the morning has shown me that I can make better choices for myself if I really want to. I always feel better about my day after I've been up and moving about. Another thing I've gained from these walks is personal time. For those 30-40 minutes every morning I get to be lost in my music and not worry about the stuff that brings me down. It's peaceful.

Over the past few months I've expanded my walking route to keep it interesting but also to add more challenge to my walking. For awhile I was trying to figure out how I could change up my workout without just adding more distance and one option that kept coming back to me was start running but I do not like running at all. I'm sure I would if I was skinnier but I'm definitely not so I'm not a fan. I know though that running is a better workout than just walking and eventually I would get to that point I just didn't know when. I think part of me was scared, although I'm not sure why, but I finally broke out of that fear. About a week ago I started adding portions of running to my routine; not running the whole thing but two small sections for now. 

Eventually I would like to get to the point where I can run the whole distance but for now it's a small victory to be able to run at all. Yes I have to push myself to finish and when I finish them I feel like my lungs are going to die but I know that I'm achieving a small victory. Just the fact that I'm running at all is getting me one step closer to my goal and I couldn't be happier. It may be uncomfortable for a while but I know if I keep it up I will be happy with the result. 

One more thing I want to share before I wrap this up is an app I really love to use while I'm walking/running. The app is called Charity Miles and it allows you to use the time you are running, walking, or biking to raise money for charity. Once you download the app to your smart phone all you have to do is select your activity and the charity you would like to donate for and tap start. The best part of it is you pay nothing! All the money comes from corporations. I love this app because I feel like while I'm trying to do better for myself, I can also help others and that adds to the esteem boost I get from working out. When you're done all you do is hit stop and it tells you what your workout is worth to the organization you chose. You can even post to Facebook and Twitter to share what an awesome person you are for working out and helping others. Who ever came up with this app is amazing and I thank them for sharing it with us. I think everyone who workout with a smart phone or iPod touch should use this app.  

I just want to end this by saying to anyone who might be struggling mentally or physically with getting up the to nerve to start working out that it's totally worth it. No matter how much it hurts it is completely worth it. You know your body's limits and how far it can be pushed but don't be afraid to push outside of your own comfort zone because you'll never get where you want to be without taking that step out of the familiar. Only you can make the choice to get up and move. You don't have to start out running a marathon because even the smallest step can be the beginning of the greatest change of your life. So from one big girl to another I just want to say you can do it and I'm cheering for you just like I hope you're cheering for me. 

Tops of 2012

This is inspired by a post my bestie posted on her blog and I decided to do the same. Also I haven't blogged in awhile which I hope to change in this new year.

Well here it is! The end of a year and the start of another. Glad to see we all made it through the "End of the World." I for one did not buy into that but it's funny to joke about. A lot has happened this year, in general and personally, and it's nice to look back on it all. This is some of my top tens of the year, not in any particular order.

Personally:
1. Moving back home in May.
2. Figuring out just how tough job hunting is.
3. Becoming completely enraptured into the Hunger Games. (I'm a Tribute!)
4. Getting our new puppy Sammy in July.
5. Doing a mini overhaul of our house while trying to figure out where to put all my stuff after moving home.
6. Becoming a 100% Directioner! (Fan of One Direction)
7. Derek graduating high school.
8. Getting to go to Waco to see Sam Houston play Baylor and Derek march in the Baylor band.
9. Being the maid of honor in Shannon's wedding in August.
10. Having a whole year to relax without any obligations.

I know there are many other things I'm missing but it's been a long year I honestly can't remember everything that happened but it was great. Now I'm gonna talk about some others top tens of mine this year. You may not agree but I also don't always think like everyone else lol.

Movies:
10. Pitch Perfect
9. The Lorax
8. Brave
7. The Vow
6. The Lucky One
5. Katy Perry: Part of Me
4. The Avengers
3. The Dark Knight Rises
2. Breaking Dawn Part 2
1. The Hunger Games
I would include The Hobbit and Les Miserables but I haven't seen them. I know I'm going to like them though.





TV:
10. Scrubs (I know it's off the air but I started buying the DVDs lol)
9. Glee
8. The Office
7. Doctor Who
6. How I Met Your Mother
5. The X-Factor
4. CSI
3. Big Bang Theory
2. Criminal Minds
1. Once Upon a Time





Music:
10. Nicki Minaj
9. The Wanted
8. Justin Bieber
7. Demi Lovato
6. Kelly Clarkson
5. Katy Perry
4. Taylor Swift
3. P!nk
2. Ed Sheeran
1. One Direction
I won't do my top songs cause they would pretty much be all One Direction but these artists had some of my favorite songs of the year.


So those are a few of the things that kept me entertained this year while I didn't do a darn thing. I guess that's what happens when you finish school and can't find a job.

In 2013 I hope to:

1. Find a Job!
2. Lose weight, or rather start myself on a healthy path to losing weight.
3. Spend more time with the friends who I have close and stay in contact with those who aren't. (geographically close)
4. Stop procrastinating on things and do them when I think about them. 
5. Do at least one productive thing a day.
6. Blog more frequently.
7. Be less negative. (I don't want to say be more positive because that makes me sound like I'm not very positive to begin with lol)
8. Read more! (I have so many books to read sitting on my shelves!)
9. Continue helping my parents get our house under control. (I swear we are on the verge of being on hoarders. Ok, maybe not that bad but if we don't stop it now we will be)
10. Continue to be me but perfect the areas that need a little polishing.

I guess that's kinda my new years resolution right there, but it's more so things I've already started on and just want to continue to improve on. Well Happy New Year and lets all keep making ourselves better and better and help others be better too.

Better Late Than Never

I know this is way past due, but I wanted to make sure I did it. Better late than never, right? I just wanted to talk about what I'm truly thankful for.

First I'm thankful that my basic needs in life are met. I have a home where, for the most part I'm safe. I  have food and drink to satisfy my hunger and thirst and, other than my weight, I have my health. I have a bed to sleep in and clothes to wear. I have two parents who take care of my needs while I can't.

I'm also blessed to be done with school (at the moment) and although I really need a job, I'm grateful for the time to relax and do my own thing. As much as I desperately want my own car I realize how blessed I am to have access to a car that I can use when I need to. I'm also extremely appreciative of the things my parents provide for me that I think I need but don't necessarily, like a cell phone, computer, movies, nail polish, etc. :)

Cassi and I in 2005 at Disney World! The first year of our friendship!

I also have wonderful friends who are like family and are always there for me even though most of them are many miles away. I'm grateful for the one really true friend I have here in Cove with me, Cassi. Without her I would spend all of my time in my room alone or driving my parents around. She has become even more important to me since I've moved home which I didn't even think was possible. She gets me through and through and doesn't judge the things I say or do especially when they come out wrong. I can tell her absolutely anything and she gives me an honest opinion whether it hurts or not and I'm grateful for that. She's my sister from a different mister!

Tim and I at Midnight Yell for the last
Texas A&M vs. UT game Thanksgiving 2011!

Tim is also really special to me but he is in College Station at school most of the time so I'm grateful for the time I do get to spend with him or talk to him. He is definitely someone I can be myself around and who respects me and my beliefs. Cassi and Tim have always been dear friends and I'm grateful for their very special friendships with me.

One very special group of friends from my time in college.
Becca, me, Kaitlin, and Rochelle waiting to see Breaking Dawn Part 1
at midnight Nov. 2011!

The majority of my friends are in Huntsville or scattered throughout the states and this is where I become very grateful for social media and phones. No matter the distance I'm grateful for the wonderful friendships I've made over the years and the many different things they have done for me. 

Lastly, but certainly not least, I'm blessed to have a heavenly father who loves me and is constantly watching over me and a Savior who died for my chance to have a relationship with that father. I know even through the hardest of times, there is always a purpose and a plan. I always have faith in him whether or not things are going well.

I could go on and on about all of these things and could list so many more things I'm grateful for but it would take until next Thanksgiving to write and another year to read so I'm going to leave it at these major points.

Closer Than We Think

At this moment I'm sitting here in my little small town of Copperas Cove, Texas watching a live broadcast of Children in Need on the BBC in England on my computer. The main reason I am watching this is because of One Direction performing but I can't help but realize the amazing reaches of technology.

I mean honestly 10 years ago we would never have imagined we could stream live TV from halfway around the world and we would have to settle with hoping that someone would put the clips of our favorite celebs performing overseas on YouTube or something so you could see them. Everyday the world gets a little smaller. We have access to news and media outlets across the globe and we don't have to wait days to find out about events happening in other countries.

Social media outlets like Facebook and Twitter increased our access to individual people around the world. Now we can find and talk with people who share our interests without having to be geographically close. I follow people from as far away as Australia on my Twitter and friends who have spent the last year or so living in Greece. It's amazing how we can stay connected when we are so vastly apart.

We don't realize how huge of an accomplishment some of the everyday things in our lives are. This generation is the most widely connected generation in history and I am just amazed at the amount of influence and outreach we are capable of. I think sometimes we don't realized just how influential an individual can be just because of the technology of our world. It's crazy and kind blows my mind that if I so choose I can have a conversation with someone on the other side of the world. The responsibility of our generation is to use the technology at our disposal to make the world a better place and not waste the opportunity to be a positive influence on our world.

Spirit Tutus

Cassi and I at the Sam Houston vs Baylor game.

So it's been awhile since I've been on here. I wanted to share one of my most recent and fun to make craft projects.

In September my alma mater, Sam Houston State University, played my "little brother" Derek's current school, Baylor University, in Waco and we made sure to get tickets so I could cheer on my school and see Derek perform at the game. I was looking for a unique way to show my school spirit but I was also torn between who to cheer for (the school that got all my money or the school I have grown up sort of supporting). It seems like everywhere you look girls are wearing tutus. (I absolutely adore Sophia Grace and Rosie on the Ellen show and they always wear a different tutu each time they are on the show).

I decided I was going to tie-dye green and orange shirts and wear tutus. Originally I was going to sew tulle on the bottom of the shirts in layers of orange and green but that just became too much work (and I've never really sewn before). I found this awesome post on pinterest for no-sew tutus (link is at the bottom). After looking at the details it seemed simple enough. Let me tell you it was much easier than it looks and turned out so much better than my idea would have been. I made myself and my BFF Cassi orange and green tutus so we would represent both teams.

The split decision tutu as I'll call it.

My Copperas Cove themed tutu. I used glittery white tulle as a nice accent and filler. 

Seeing as I waited until the last minute I had to rush to Hobby Lobby for the rolls of tulle used on the blog and was therefore left with a problem when they did not have orange tulle on the roll. I decided to use a wide non-wired mesh ribbon which ended up working great. The only problem in using ribbon is the ends need to be sealed or else the ribbon will fray (as anyone who has ever worked with ribbon will know) especially the mesh ribbon. I sealed mine by burning the edges. I had to run the lighter back and forth a couple times to completely seal it but make sure not to linger too long on one place or it will catch fire and you have the pinch it out quickly. Each tutu only took me about an hour and a half to make. Cassi loved it and I loved it, so much so that I made myself another to wear for my local high school football games (and to band competitions). I call them my spirit tutus.

The first time I wore it was to support the Pride of Cove Band at their first contest.

Treasures for Tots

Movie Stubs Everywhere! a.k.a. I Did A Project Off Pinterest!

I love going to movies! I mean who doesn't? There is nothing like getting a group of people together to go to the theater buy some popcorn and sit in front of a large screen in the dark to see the latest blockbuster. I'm a huge fan of midnight premiers. Being among the first people to see a movie is so fun. I'm one of those people who keeps all the stubs from movies, sports events, concerts, and so on, but this ends up with stubs everywhere. Some on my desk, others in my scrapbook box, and still more on my memo board. I first thought I could put them in my scrapbooks but then I had the issue of which one to put them in. Do I put them all in my general album or split them and put the ones from school in my college album and the rest in the general?

So one day I was perusing Pinterest (if you don't know what this is you should. It's an amazing website where people can share anything basically by pinning it. Many people share craft ideas which I love), and I found the cleverest and neatest idea for saving ticket stubs. Someone had posted an idea using a shadow box as a drop box for tickets. They decorated the background to their liking and somehow had a slit in the top to drop tickets in almost like a piggy bank.

I had no idea how they got a hole in the top and I wanted it to look good but I decided to tackle that when I got there. So one time I went to Hobby Lobby I searched through the shadow boxes and found one that wasn't too big and was only about $20 plus they were on sale. After thinking about it I decided that instead of trying to put a hole in the top I would cut down the back so I could slide stubs in the back. That was another factor in picking a frame. I wanted one that didn't have any vital parts in the top inch and a half of the back (such as the pieces that hold the back on.) The one I picked was perfect.

...and with tickets.

The finished product without tickets...

My box had a burlap covered foam padding in it so I pulled that off since I knew I wouldn't need it. To cut the back down I scored where I wanted to cut and ran a box cutter over it continuously until it came off. It was much simpler than I thought it would be. I decorated the background using black and red scrapbook paper to create a stage setting. I put the black down first and freehand cut the red to look like curtains. I found theater themed scrapbook stickers on sale at Walmart and used those to add details to my shadow box background. I put the back on the shadow box and filled it with my stubs and viola! It now sits on my movie shelf and looks great